August 19, 2012
Who do i run to when i need a friend?
Is there anybody out there?
The problem with me is that
i am a person who doesn’t really share with people.
I feel that my problems are not worth the attention of people.
I feel lonely. I want to run to the people i used to run to
but that ship has sailed.
I can not run to
my former flame.
Aside from the fact that we are not together anymore,
that she is still busy as a bee
that she doesn’t have load,
that she now has a new flame,
she sometimes, most of the time, is too “preoccupied” to talk.
Oh man. That really brings you down a whole lot more.
It really makes you feel so alone and rejected and unwanted.
It is actually quite perplexing to think that i have helped so many people in their time of emotional need,
and now, when i am feeling down, there is no one here for me.
As much as possible, i dont want to count favors and shit like that
but during times of depression, i cant help but wonder,
where are they all now?
I want ro talk to someone. This fucking blog my only outlet.
The people that i am constantly in contact with are my babies.
People im helping out emotionally. I have become their confedant.
This inturn creates a relationship that revolves around their problems and needs.
I’ve always said that my friends are so lucky to have a friend like me.
Someone who wants to get to know them better.
Someone who will initiate a conversation with them,
Someone who will reply to their texts as soon as possible.
But me? I dont know.
The people i want to call my friends dont reply to me.
The people i want to call my friends dont miss me.
They dont call me.
They dont text me.
I dont know. I just feel that whenever i need a friend,
there is no one there to call.
I always fuck up my mind, thinking about the reasons that brought this to me.
And i always end up feeling sad for myself, and blaming myself.
I really dont like this feeling.