When Everybody Else Declines

23:10
August 19, 2012

Who do i run to when i need a friend?
Is there anybody out there?

The problem with me is that
i am a person who doesn’t really share with people.
I feel that my problems are not worth the attention of people.

I feel lonely. I want to run to the people i used to run to
but that ship has sailed.
I can not run to my former flame.
Aside from the fact that we are not together anymore,
that she is still busy as a bee
that she doesn’t have load,
that she now has a new flame,
she sometimes, most of the time, is too “preoccupied” to talk.
Oh man. That really brings you down a whole lot more.
It really makes you feel so alone and rejected and unwanted.

It is actually quite perplexing to think that i have helped so many people in their time of emotional need,
and now, when i am feeling down, there is no one here for me.
As much as possible, i dont want to count favors and shit like that
but during times of depression, i cant help but wonder,
where are they all now?

I want ro talk to someone. This fucking blog my only outlet.
The people that i am constantly in contact with are my babies.
People im helping out emotionally. I have become their confedant.
This inturn creates a relationship that revolves around their problems and needs.

I’ve always said that my friends are so lucky to have a friend like me.
Someone who wants to get to know them better.
Someone who will initiate a conversation with them,
Someone who will reply to their texts as soon as possible.
And whatthefuckever.
But me? I dont know. 
The people i want to call my friends dont reply to me.
The people i want to call my friends dont miss me.
They dont call me.
They dont text me.
I dont know. I just feel that whenever i need a friend,
there is no one there to call.

I always fuck up my mind, thinking about the reasons that brought this to me.
And i always end up feeling sad for myself, and blaming myself.
I really dont like this feeling.

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6 thoughts on “When Everybody Else Declines

    • Yikes! Someone read that… Haha i read my post again and i want to crawl under a rock. I sound so desperate and pathetic. And i sound so sad… Hmm read some of my more recent blogs, it’s more positive. :) haha but thanks, thanks for appreciating. :)

      • You can’t put stuff up on a public blog if you don’t want anyone to read it..lol. Besides, like I said it was honesty. That kind of truth take courage which a lot of people, including myself, don’t have. There is nothing pathetic or desperate about speaking your mind. I will definitely read your happier postings too.

      • Haha the intention of this blog at first was just a place to vent out my sorrow. Haha i told no one about this blog. I wasnt expecting that people would read the things i write. Hmm… Something i always tell my students. We need not be ashamed about anything. As long as our intentions are honest and well mannered, we need not be scared. :)

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