A date with my all time crush

September 17, 2012


She was the perfect girl.
She was in to the things that i was in to.
She’s in to movies like inception, the dark knight, and other cool films

She’s in to music like taking back sunday, franco, and new found glory.
She reads 9gag.
She drinks and she is fun to be with.
She knows all the cool childhood shows like power rangers, hey arnold and the simpsons.
She has this way of making evergbody feel comfortable.
She is cool and she is a cow girl.
Not to mention she is cute and has legs to die for. :)
And i was on a date with her!

My college crush was a classmate of mine and we would talk about movies and music all the time. I felt so comfortable with her because we had so many things in common. We would sometimes talk deep about life and relationship which i love to do. I never got to date her when i was in college but finally, last weekend, i was able to date her. We went to the movies to watch a movie that she recommended. The title was “ang nawawala” (what’s missing). It is about a young adult who stopped from talking since he was a child. He met a girl who was in to music and bands. It was a cool indi movie and i was really excited to watch it with her.

We went to see the movie but the funny thing about it was, i realized that we weren’t really close at all. Yes we had a lot of things in common, but on a personal level, i dont know a lot about her. It was hard for me to establish a common ground to talk a about except for music, movies and 9gag. I didnt want to talk about life in general that much because it seemed too impersonal and it woulnt deepen our connection. After the movie, we talked about how we found it then afterwards, we ate. We just talked about so arbitrary shit like 9gag and movies we liked. It was such a bust. Haha i didn’t expect it to be that way. I thought we would connect easily. But i was wrong. We were two different people. (as i saw it) we really didn’t have much in common. I felt awkward because i was expecting something more and then i was slapped in the face by the shallowness of our conversation.

I actually brought a gift with me that i planned to give her. It was a handmade bracelet that i made while i taught how to make one to my students. (yes i’m a teacher) but i ended not giving it to her. I didn’t want to seem “too prepared” or too eager in our date. As our date came to an end, i said that i would drive her home but she insisted the she’ll just take a taxi. I told her that i wanted to drive her home but she declined. I accepted her answer and bid her good bye. Even the goodbyes were awkward. I didnt know if i should have hugged her, kiss her or just give her a high five. I ended up extending mg arm to signal for a hug and she stumbled to hug me. Haha it was a disaster!

As i drove home, i reflected to much. I was asking myself.
What the fuck happend? Haha
Why did the date that i was so lookingforward to end up as something so shallow?
Was i expecting too much?
Was my perception of her really off?
Was i just too comfortable with her and though that she was comfortable with me?
Were we really just not compatible?
Is she not interested in me?
Hahaha all these questions ran through my mind…
I ended up just concluded thst we were really differet people.
I just really expected that we would be hitting it off but i was really off.
I was expecting too much for something that i thought i knew. Hahaha

Then it hit me… Even if the day was a disaster or was something i was not expecting… “i was ok with it”
When happened there was the truth and i shouldnt be sad about finding out what the truth really is. Even if it was not in my favor but “i’m ok with that”.

I dont have as big of a crush as to how i felt before. I may have just created an image of her in my head that we would be really compatible. And i was wrong…

“but i’m ok with that”


16 thoughts on “A date with my all time crush

  1. It sounds funny. :) it’s just like thinking that we can’t live without something or someone yet when we already have them, that’s the only time we realize we’re okay, sometimes even better, without them in our lives. Urgh. I don’t know where this comes from. Haha.

  2. I really related to this blog, I like your last few lines “I may have just created an image of her in my head that we would be really compatible. And i was wrong…

    “but i’m ok with that””

    —the blog was like more than a month already. how are you with i’m okay with that? — at least you get to go out with her and realize those indifference, I hope you’ll find the right one for your handmade bracelet :)

    • Haha thanks thanks miss penguin. :) yeah, that experience was really an eye openner. I really thought we would connect. During my college days, i really thought that we were a couple waiting to happen. I was dead wrong. Haha it opened my eyes. “finding someone is a lot more that having things in common”. Damn. I’m already having a hard time looking for people i have in common. Hahaha

  3. Yes, ’cause finding someone is more of hugging the whole persona. :) Two thumbs up for your blog agree talaga ako. :)

    BTW, my student were able to read your blog as well, few minutes ago lang. he said you can write a book na raw haha. galing-galing daw. :)

    • It is really hard to tell when you really get to know a person. People have so many walls. People have so many smokes and mirrors because everyone is scared. Most are scared to get hurt, some are scared to hurt others, some are just scared in general…

      Hmm… Your student? Haha how did he read this? Haha

      • Minsan akala natin pag nagclick na commonalities akala natin yun na, swak na, aprub na pero beyond those conversations pala ang shallow talaga ng pagkakilala natin sa kanila. yown lang!

        hahaha. I was telling him how I enjoyed reading your blog entry kasi, so he asked me if he can read it din daw sabi ko you have the “FREEWILL” to decide hehe. ayun :) college student na to, malawak na ang utak at problemado hehe.

      • haha maraming salamat sa pagshare miss penguin. i have to admit, inspired na inspired talaga ako noong sinulat ko yun… pero karamihan ng mga sinulat ko dito sa wordpress ay rants lamang… not really inspired works… haha

        pero yeah, mahirap talagang tumantcha kung magcclick kayo ng isang tao… the only thing we have to do is to try our best and hope that good things will come out from it…

      • haha kilala ko si jung. :p behavioral science ang under grad ko eh. ;p haha pero minsan parang ang sarap nalang sumuko at wag ng mag expect ng kahit ano mula sa buhay eh… ewan, parang nagpapakanegative ba ako masyado miss penguin? haha

      • hindi naman sir, I think? hehehe. minsan kasi depende rin sa approach ng tao yun sa buhay nya, well hindi ka naman negative pa masyado, wala ka pa namang suicidal thoughts diba? hahahaha. oks lang yan sir.

        Psych undergrad ko, anong pinagkaiba nun sa behavioral science? nacurious naman ako hehe.

      • haha suicidal thoughts? sakto lang… nawawalan lang ako minsan ng gana. haha hmm.. ano email address mo miss penguin? parang di cool dito tayo mag chat chat. haha nabasa ko sa blogs mo na ma email ka na tao. ako din ma email na tao pero ang narealize ko sa kakafacebook dati, ang di ok sa mga ganoon ay masayong planado ang mga responses natin. nawawala yung art of conversation. hehe pero papaano tayo magsisimula eh di naman tayo talaga magkakilala diba? ;p

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