September 6, 2012
Probably the dumbest thing i did for love
When i was in grade 6 i randomly got to know a girl out of yahoo personal adds. I was young excited and innocent. We exchanged emails, got each others phone numbers, saw each other and i started to love her during the end of my 4th year highschool.
Since she was 1 year ahead of me accademically, she was already in college. To my surprise, i found out that she has a boyfriend. It crushed my and since she was faithful and shit like that, she started to avoid communicating with me. I respected her decision and tried to move on. But as was nearing my graduation in highschool, she texted me at 2 in the midnight. This held up a red flag for me telling me that she is not ok. Me being the forever loyal friend, i replied and we ended up talking until the sun came up. I found out that she and her boyfriend broke up. It was an opportunity for my to enter the picture. During the summer, we talked constantly like old times sake. But i would hit on her, saying that i’ll be entering the university that she is in and that i want us to have lunch together and shit like that.
I was real excited and built up our relationship during the summer hoping that when we would be in the same university, it would be possible for us to have a relationship. Then the school year came.
I started to notice that she would text me less. She wouldnt talk to me on the phone reasoning out that she is busy because of her school work. We never got to see each other because my class ends at 11:00am and her class ends at 5:00pm. I would influence mg classmates to hang around school to kill time and i would wait for 5pm and on the off chance that i would see here around campus. Then one time, i saw her walking with a couple of female friends. I ran to her to say hi. She said hi and smiled. I stood there alone as she said “ok, im going home now. Bye”.
I was shocked. It was real obvious that she was avoiding me and she did it infront of my face. I was pissed ofx. I was clueless. Did i do something wrong? Did she get back with her ex boyfriend? What the fuck happened!
Days, weeks, months went by, and not a word. She wouldnt reply to my texts, she would not answer my calls. I was dumbfounded… I was so depressed. When ever i saw her around campus, she would avoid me and i would be held back by whats happening. I did nothing…
Then, her birthday came by. Even if we weren’t talking, i got her a present. I brought it with me everyday so that when i see her in school, i would give here he present and it will be over for me. I would be done. I would stop wondering, i would not rey anymore. I would give up. During the days leading up to her birthday, i did not see her. But i just wanted to give her my gift and be done.
Looking around friendster, i saw some pictures of her outside of her house. So i cooked up the fuckingly dumbest thing i did for love. I looked for her address in the yellowpages, based on their telephone number and her last name. I got the address. Then, i looked for it in our map. Based on the area where i say their address in the map, based on the picture of their house, i felt that i would be able to find there home and i would be able to give her my gift.
So on the day of her birthday, i got my gift and started walking in their area based in the information i got from the map and the yeow pages. But being so anxious, i didnt bother to print the picture of their house, i forgot what was their street, and i didnt even bring the fucking map. I just walked around the area i remembered.
I started walking from the church on the main road and went through sideroads. I remeber i started walking at around 4:00pm. The sun was still hot. I didnt have an mp3 player to keep me company. I wasnt even smoking because i gave that up for her some time ago. All i had in my hand was my gift for her.I walked around non stop until it was dark. I think it was around 7:30pm when i decided to stop. I didnt see her house. I felt that i wasnt even near… So i just came home. Tired and lost.
Several weeks go by and still i bring my gift for her and the promise to myself that once i give her my gift, i will stop. I will give up. But one day during december, i spotted her walking out our campus together with almost 15 girls. I remember it was friday so i assumed that they were planning to party or something. I mustered up the courage and ran after them, calling her name. I was able to get her attention along with the rest of her friends. I said “here, belated happy birthday” and when she thanked me, i turned around and walked away…
It was done. It was finally over. I was walking away feom the woman that i love and i have conceded to the idea that she isnt interested in me… But as i walked away smiling and telling myself that it is finally over. I hear her friends cheer and giggle in delight…