A date with my all time crush

September 17, 2012


She was the perfect girl.
She was in to the things that i was in to.
She’s in to movies like inception, the dark knight, and other cool films

She’s in to music like taking back sunday, franco, and new found glory.
She reads 9gag.
She drinks and she is fun to be with.
She knows all the cool childhood shows like power rangers, hey arnold and the simpsons.
She has this way of making evergbody feel comfortable.
She is cool and she is a cow girl.
Not to mention she is cute and has legs to die for. :)
And i was on a date with her!

My college crush was a classmate of mine and we would talk about movies and music all the time. I felt so comfortable with her because we had so many things in common. We would sometimes talk deep about life and relationship which i love to do. I never got to date her when i was in college but finally, last weekend, i was able to date her. We went to the movies to watch a movie that she recommended. The title was “ang nawawala” (what’s missing). It is about a young adult who stopped from talking since he was a child. He met a girl who was in to music and bands. It was a cool indi movie and i was really excited to watch it with her.

We went to see the movie but the funny thing about it was, i realized that we weren’t really close at all. Yes we had a lot of things in common, but on a personal level, i dont know a lot about her. It was hard for me to establish a common ground to talk a about except for music, movies and 9gag. I didnt want to talk about life in general that much because it seemed too impersonal and it woulnt deepen our connection. After the movie, we talked about how we found it then afterwards, we ate. We just talked about so arbitrary shit like 9gag and movies we liked. It was such a bust. Haha i didn’t expect it to be that way. I thought we would connect easily. But i was wrong. We were two different people. (as i saw it) we really didn’t have much in common. I felt awkward because i was expecting something more and then i was slapped in the face by the shallowness of our conversation.

I actually brought a gift with me that i planned to give her. It was a handmade bracelet that i made while i taught how to make one to my students. (yes i’m a teacher) but i ended not giving it to her. I didn’t want to seem “too prepared” or too eager in our date. As our date came to an end, i said that i would drive her home but she insisted the she’ll just take a taxi. I told her that i wanted to drive her home but she declined. I accepted her answer and bid her good bye. Even the goodbyes were awkward. I didnt know if i should have hugged her, kiss her or just give her a high five. I ended up extending mg arm to signal for a hug and she stumbled to hug me. Haha it was a disaster!

As i drove home, i reflected to much. I was asking myself.
What the fuck happend? Haha
Why did the date that i was so lookingforward to end up as something so shallow?
Was i expecting too much?
Was my perception of her really off?
Was i just too comfortable with her and though that she was comfortable with me?
Were we really just not compatible?
Is she not interested in me?
Hahaha all these questions ran through my mind…
I ended up just concluded thst we were really differet people.
I just really expected that we would be hitting it off but i was really off.
I was expecting too much for something that i thought i knew. Hahaha

Then it hit me… Even if the day was a disaster or was something i was not expecting… “i was ok with it”
When happened there was the truth and i shouldnt be sad about finding out what the truth really is. Even if it was not in my favor but “i’m ok with that”.

I dont have as big of a crush as to how i felt before. I may have just created an image of her in my head that we would be really compatible. And i was wrong…

“but i’m ok with that”