What is a friend?

What is a friend?

Friends come from different places. Acquaintances, friends, best friends, lovers, and ex-lovers are just some of the ways we try to categorize the people we have a relationship with. Some common groups of friends we have are our elementary school friends, high school friends, friends from the university, workplace friends, people we met in organizations, and our neighbors. But my question is what really defines a friend.

Is it someone you constantly talk with or someone you constantly talk to? Or is it even someone who we don’t often communicate with? Are they the people we are comfortable to do anything with? Or are they the people we try to show our best side to? Do we constantly do things to please them? Are our friends someone who supports us in whatever we do? Or are friends someone who tells us that we we are doing is wrong? Do our friends need to be in the same group? Or are true friends the people we don’t think of as just part of our group? Are friends someone who would cover our asses? Or someone who rats us out to the people we love the most?

I actually don’t know the right answers but I’ll share a story about someone who I consider one of my dearest friends.

(names will be changed for anonymity)
Her name is Machi. She was my university classmate. We were actually not in the same group of friends but she was the girlfriend of a close friend of mine. What really gave us a chance to be close was when they broke up and she needed someone to talk to. Then we became close and even teased each other as “best friends” because we didn’t like such labels or terms of familiarity.

I had a girlfriend at that time, lets call her “Yuki”, who was also my classmate. Yuki and Machi were not really close friends but they respected each other. Long story short, I cheated on Yuki. I met with my ex-girlfriend and had one night of… well you know. My ex-girlfriend, Jamie, was single at that time but she knew about Yuki. Naturally, we agreed to keep it a secret. A few days later, when I went to the library to see Yuki in the spot we usually see each other, I saw her crying with a common friend. I tried to talk to Yuki and asked her what was wrong. She didn’t say anything and just continued to cry. Her friend begged me to leave so I did. My heart raced and I became angry. So I called my ex, Jamie, and asked her if she told anybody. She said that she never told anyone and me being a total moron, believed her. Maybe someone saw us? Maybe I sent an incriminating message to someone by accident? Maybe Yuki read the messages on my phone? Maybe someone read the messages on Jamie’s phone? All the possibilities raced through my mind.

After a few days/weeks of silence with Yuki, she confronted me. She sent me a message that she wanted to talk. So I met her. Without hesitation, she told me that she knows about Jamie and I. She asked me if it is true. I lied to her. The worst lie I told in my life. She started to cry and said that someone she trusts told her. She just wanted me to admit it so she can move on with her life. I nodded my head. She started to cry more but now because of anger. I remember how sad and angry she looked. And with one strong swing, she punched my right in my jaw and left. I deserved it.

Most of my friends in class stopped talking to me. I remained silent. Nobody even tried to talk to me nor do I blame them for doing so. Yuki was well loved by our class and now I hurt her. Their love for Yuki soon turned to hatred for me. One day, Machi sent me a message inviting me for drink. She told me that she had something important to tell me. Unaware of the weight she has been carrying, I met her. We started drinking and after she got enough liquid courage, she told me something that I never would have expected. She was the one who told Yuki about Jamie and me. Jamie’s male bestfriend knew about it and because he was courting Machi, he told Machi. And since Machi knew that it was the best thing for everyone, she directly told Yuki.

I was so shocked. But the first thing I did was to hug Machi. I thanked her for doing something I was too afraid of doing. Nobody will ever believe me but after I saw Jamie again, I hated myself for doing so and I wanted to tell Yuki. Machi was my friend for telling Yuki. Machi wanted me to be a man and face reality. I appreciate her for that. I love her for that.

This was around 6 years ago. I asked Yuki for forgiveness and she gave me another chance and we lasted for 4 years. I don’t get to talk with Machi often because she moved to a different country but we would sometimes talk. I dedicate this post to me friend. Machi. Thank you.

 

My Bestfriend

My Bestfriend

Urge of the human person

23:31
january 13, 2013

“urges”

love, attraction, lust, attachment
such emotions rule the hearts of people
and yet we venture through life so unprepared
so engulfed by these feelings
which haunt us every step of the way

like in any restaurant, we pay in the end
we may or may not be able to handle the bill
but in the end, we all have to pay

the price may be to high for some
some may not believe the cost
some may be outraged by the amount
some may try to bargain the fee
some may just sulk
but in the end, we all have to pay
a broken friendship, a broken ego
a broken heart or a broken hymen

and yet, some are able to afford
astounded, some are willing to afford

why would some be willing to spend so much?
to give something so valueable?

because value is in the eye of the beholder

Welcome back night

December 29, 2012
02:21

Welcome back night, it has been a while since we’ve stared at each others face.
Why is it when you most need your sleep, “insomnia” kicks in?
“insomnia”? Yeah right. The mindfucking thoughts that you have been running away from just caught up with you.
All the things you fear.
All the things that hurt you but you we’re too proud to admit.
All the things that haunt you.

Dreadful things.
Loneliness.
Being lonely and alone.
Rejection by your so called friends
Being left by your friends
Selfpitty.

Oh the thoughts of a young, “intellectual”, “artistic”, “writer” written and published for all the other “intellectual” etc. To see.

6 things about me

17:43
october 3, 2012

this is something i got from a miss panalyah here in wordpress. i cant remember how i found her blog here but it was really a good read for me and the questions were not your typical questions like how friendster used to be. so i was inspired to answer also. :)

1. What kind of women do you attract?
im not sure if i am able to attract a certain “kind” of woman or if i attract women at all. modesty aside, i feel i am able to attract women who want something different in their lives. something different but still dependible. i feel i’m that kind of guy. someone who brings something different to the table but the essentials like respect, being a gentleman and other things like that are still there. i’m not the macho alpha male type of person and i never wanted to be. but i feel that when i’m with someone, they will still feel safe. did i answer the question? haha

 

2. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?
not to offened anyone here, but i’m pro-choice. eversince i was young. and let me define what pro-choice for me is. it is the mother being able to have her unborn child aborted without question. i dont care if the reason is medical, financial, emotional and what have you. it shouldnt matter. because in sex, intercourse, lovemaking and fucking, no questions were asked. the mother has the right to choose whether she will have a baby or not. and if she gets pregnant accidentally, she should be able to choose not to have it. i feel the urge to have sex is innate to everyone and the ability to control this urge differs from person to person. meaning, sex is something that everybody must, will and will always have. but having a baby and a family is another thing. it should be another choice.

3. If you had a child, what would you like it’s gender to be? What would you name it?
as of this moment, i have no urge to have children. i’m scared of the future. my parents were able to provide me with everything and if i will be able to bear a child, i want to be able to provide him with the best as my parents did for us. hmm… if i would have a child, i feel i want to have a daughter when she is still young. maybe up to 6 years old, girls would be cute. :p and i would name her annie. but if i were to have a boy, i want to name him something like alexander. something that sounds strong.

4. If you had a choice to be anyone else who would you be and why?
hmm… maybe i would want to become a powerful religious leader. not that i adhere to any religious faith or anything like that, i just like the power to influence people in the way they think, the way they percieve life. political power is different from this. i think political power is sort of forcing people to obey you because of law and the theory of social exchange. religious power is just obeying the person on top of the totem pole. people who adhere to a certain religeous belief do not look at the rationale, they just accept it just because. faith.

5. If you could pick 3 values as a life mantra, what would they be and why?
mantra? what is a mantra? but based on the answers of miss panalyah, i’ll assume what a mantra means.

the first is passion. i believe that we must live a life where we are passionate about things. whatever your passion is, the important thing is that you are passionate about something. whether it be photography, blogging, your faith, fashion, politics, teaching, the important thing is that you are passionate about something. i may not agree with some of the things you are passionate about like fashion and things like that, i’m not really a fashionable person but i respect a person who is passionate about something. why i like people who are passionate about something? because i dont like people who are like just, whatever. people say i love music, but when you ask them, what kind of music, they would just say what ever i hear… haha

next is respect. simple as that. respect people WHO ARE RESPECTABLE. respect is something earned. it is not hard to earn respect. you just have to live a respectable life. give respect, earn respect. simple

last? i guess we have to try things. we must not be scared to do new things. especially while we are young. we must try new things. if we want to learn to cook, to bake, to skate, to swim, to have sex, to smoke, to drink. whatever our poison is, we have to try it. i hope i’ll never have the feeling that before i die, i want to do something more or i was not able to try something because i was scared or i convinced myself not to try something…

 

there are more questions and i’ll try to answer them next time. :D

One of those nights

23:16
October 19, 2012

I’m having one of those nights. Where you’re real sleepy, but you’re having a hard time sleeping. I lay my itouch to my side and try to sleep, but i pick it up “just for a little bit more, to keep me calm”. My mind is racing and i cant sleep. Even if i’ve been sick for 4 days already, i cant go to sleep. So much shit is going through my mind and i’m so tired already. Physically, mentally, emotionally tired. And such a gloomy album is playing through my mind.

Pink Floyd – The Wall

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Oh how i wish i could sleep.
I wish i can find peace

Hail Adele

23:52
October 8, 2012

I first heard the song “chasing pavements” by adel 2 days ago. The sister of my god daughter played it on her mobile phone and i fell in love with it. I know that i’m years late in appreciating adele’s soulfull and powerfull voice.

Her voice kept ringging in my head. It swallowed me. Her voice lingers in my heart and the passion in her voice made me realize something. That is something i can’t feel now. Passion…

Years ago, i could really say that i am an extremely passionate person. I would talk about photography and my experiences with it for hours on end. I would share my beliefs with so much fervour and zeal. My positions about so many issues. Political, relegious and especially moral concerns were among some of my favorite topics. Music, movies, politics and so much more. Those were things that i was passionate about. But now…

I just realized that i’ve not been passionate or excited about something for months or even years now. I just feel so empty and dull. I feel so lifeless. I cant feel if. I have so much good things going for me, i have so much good things in my life and yet i’m not the least excited…

I dont know if i have reached the point that i have gotten everything that life has to offer. I’m sure i havent but when i look at the things i have “accomplished”, i sometimes feel that i have experienced quite a lot. I’ve made 2 short films already that was honored in different universities. Hmm… I dont want to list down the things i have accomplished. I dont want to sound like i’m bragging… But anyways… There. I feel numb. I feel that i’m not getting excited anymore.

How about you?

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Should i give up
Or should i just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

Music saves lives

22:00
October 1, 2012

Every single day, i’m faced with so many concerns. Work, masters class, friends who seek help from me and also my own personal concerns. It has been really draining.

I’m actually a shy person. My friends and co-workers would argue with that but that is the truth. I seldom share my problems with people. I usually vent my stress with a couple of sticks of cigarettes. I know it will kill my and shit like that. But at least i was in control. (haha)

But there is something i truly enjoy. Listen to music. Music has always been my passion. From bread, bee gees, beatles, carpenters, black sabbath, cream, rush, yes, dream theater, bone thugs n harmony, pantera, and so many filipino bands. When i had my
Mp3 player that had 30gigs of my music, i could go the whole day without talking to anybody. Just listening to my sweet music…

Anyways, this post is nothing but just a thanks to my favorite bands. I hope everybody is as passionate about music as me. I hope we live in a world where people can appreciate and share good music.

What i’m currently listening to is the white rapping boy band. Hahaha

It’s sabotage

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