2013th revolution of the earth

january 1, 2013
00:25

for the past couple of years, i’ve celebrated my new
years in a different way.
new years, have always been a time for me to reflect.
reflect about the good things i have been fortunate enough to receive
but for this year, it is different

the day started like every day of my christmas break this year
me waking up unusually late, me groggy and weary
i felt every little change that has occured over the past 365 days
every little and every large adjustment i had to force myself to accept
all the friends that i love who drifted away
all the comforts of live that gone
all my goals that i was not able to accomplish
all the sadness that i feltall the personal struggles that i bear everyday
every last one of them i picked up again as i woke up
then i started my day like every day of my christmas break this year
all of them i planned to avoid

i wasn’t planning on writting anything this year
i guess i was at the point where i just wanted to concede
concede to the idea that things doesn’t seem to change
well i was so down that i didn’t feel like doing anything to help myself

5 minutes before midnight, my mother urged us to go out of the house
and light the little cache of fireworks my father kept from last year.
we were not even complete, limit was working new years eve
so the 4 of us lighted petty sparklers and shit like that
then i noticed how fireworks lighted the sky
it was so bright and so colorful
my mother and father was being their usual sweet selves
lighting fireworks together and enjoying the disply
as i saw my father enjoying the view
a distinct song played in my head.
rurouni kensihn – omoi (strings version)
then everything changed…

i felt a certain feeling that i have never felt for a long time
it was joy
seeing my family enjoy the simple fireworks that we had
enjoying the company of each other
i dont know… it is hard for me to explain
but when i saw my father as he held his little firework,
and see the amazing display at his back
i was overwhelmed…
even if i dwell on all the sad things that i feel right now
i’m still lucky. i’m lucky to have my family
i’m lucky that i am able to take time and appreciate life with them

thank you 2012th time the earth revolved around the sun
thank you philippines

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Welcome back night

December 29, 2012
02:21

Welcome back night, it has been a while since we’ve stared at each others face.
Why is it when you most need your sleep, “insomnia” kicks in?
“insomnia”? Yeah right. The mindfucking thoughts that you have been running away from just caught up with you.
All the things you fear.
All the things that hurt you but you we’re too proud to admit.
All the things that haunt you.

Dreadful things.
Loneliness.
Being lonely and alone.
Rejection by your so called friends
Being left by your friends
Selfpitty.

Oh the thoughts of a young, “intellectual”, “artistic”, “writer” written and published for all the other “intellectual” etc. To see.